War in Syria – far away from Qatar, so why worry? But my former student was killed there in July 2013. He was only twenty.
It is easy to make war. Here is a recipe:
How to make war (in response to peace efforts which are always very nice and often don’t work)
Take two flags of different colours and wave them in opposite directions. Add a moustache (any size will do) and a cap with a feather. Cover evenly with approximately 300-4790 words, such as fatherland (can be replaced with motherland, depending on the language you are cooking it in), brotherhood (do not use sisterhood as it may add a slightly unusual flavour), life, children, future, dignity, freedom, liberation, equality, justice, and victory. The words can be used in varying proportions and sequence, and adjusted as you proceed. In some cases freedom works better than justice, but adding victory is essential. Beat them together until stiff, sharp peaks appear. Stir the foam into the rest of the ingredients and wait until the mixture rises, forming bubbles and giving out pungent black smoke.
Add about 10-20 thousand men* mixed with an equal number of guns – choose shiny ones when buying them from the warmonger’s since rusty guns tend to spoil the overall final effect of this dish. Divide the men with guns into two, roughly equal, rows facing each other, and soak in liquid testosterone for about 8 hours.
When ready, put the mixture into a food processor and combine on maximum speed. Pour into an armoured vehicle. Before baking, spread a few additional words on top, such as sacrifice, hero, immortal, glory and fame, dotting them here and there to soften the surface.
Place the dish in a very hot oven, preheated to at least 700° F, and leave the country where it is cooking, collecting your loved ones as well as friends, photographs, books, scarves, sunglasses, and perfume. Don’t look back.
* If you have access to the black market, you can replace 10 thousand men with 1 nuclear warhead. Please, note that using a nuclear warhead will eliminate the need for any additional ingredients and further cooking procedures.